When do We Tell? When do We Act Like Nothing is Wrong?

Hello, readers. Remarkably, I have actually had a very easy time with my chronic pain lately, with little pain for a couple of weeks, and other people have been noticing a change in me, even though they don't quite realize that the change they have been seeing is because of a lack of pain. For instance, other people have been commenting on the fact that I am singing more, am peppier, and that my eyes are "much less foggy right now" (Side note--Does pain give you foggy eyes?) Anyhow, this surprised me, as I frequently hide my pain and do my best to act as if I have more energy than I do. I did not realize that others could tell the difference between when I am in a lot of pain and when I have little or (in rare cases) no pain.

This realization made me think a bit differently about the practice of hiding physical pain. For me, as well as for other chronic pain patients I know, hiding our physical pain as much as possible is second nature. It can often seem like a matter of survival. For instance, I know that it distresses my family to see me suffer, so I try to down play it as much as possible. I also hid the extent of my pain from most of my high school class because I was afraid they wouldn't believe me, and I hide it for many other reasons as well. It seems sensible, yet, I am slowly learning that this practice of always hiding my pain can be counter-productive at least some of the time. I cannot expect others to help me when I am struggling with my condition if they do not know that I have chronic pain in the first place. Furthermore, I now realize that, if people are noticing that my eyes are sometimes foggy or that I seem low-energy, they can probably tell that something is "off" with me but do not know what. Telling others may help with this, but it's rarely that simple.

There is the very real possibility of tiring others out with complaints and of people forming negative opinions of people who mention that they have chronic pain because of biases against the chronically-ill. It is a conundrum that each of us must consider--a judgement call that must be made again and again--Should we hide our pain today, or talk about it? What about tomorrow? And the next day? And what about when someone else is expecting us to do something for them, but we wake up with a high level of pain--do you refuse them so you can rest up, or do you plunge ahead, knowing you might be worse tomorrow? I don't claim to have the perfect answer, or even much of an answer at all, other than to say that, in my experience, the truth in these sorts of things is usually in the middle. I think that the importance thing is to recognize that you are hiding your pain (if you are), as I didn't even realize I was doing so for a while. Once we do recognize and are aware of our automatic attempts to cloak our pain, we can do our best to consciously decide when it is best to talk to others and when it is best to stay silent.