The "Apathetic" Doctor May Care More Than You Think

Dear readers, I've been thinking a lot lately about doctors and chronic pain patients. Sometimes, I think it's easy to get frustrated at doctors trying to treat us for chronic pain, especially when we try several medications and procedures, each one being increasingly risky and less likely to work, and we do not get better. Sometimes, it seems like the doctors aren't listening or even trying to help, and, of course, there are always doctors who simply aren't a good fit for their patient. I have also had doctors whom I instantly liked, who genuinely seemed to care for me, and who tried their best to help me. Yet, I have come to believe that, most of the time, even those doctors who seem like they aren't putting much effort in to help me and my chronic pain are trying just as hard, or even harder than the rest of them.

I came to this conclusion during a doctor's appointment a few weeks ago. I have always had lukewarm feelings about this doctor, but I was still excited to share my good news with her--I had recently discovered I was getting daily exposure to one of my main migraine triggers and cutting it out was helping a lot. While I'm still considered a chronic headache patient and have far more pain than the average non-chronic pain person, my pain has been greatly improved lately. My "apathetic" doctor was thrilled by the news, hugging me and talking about how proud she was of me that I never gave up looking for triggers and how moments like these make working with chronic pain day in and day out worth it. These words helped me to see my doctor in a new light.

Everyday, doctors who specialize in chronic pain see several patients in chronic, intractable, and often disabling pain. Chronic pain patients rarely get better, so doctors who work with them must be used to being disappointed, to having all their best efforts fail over and over again. Even though I knew this, it took my doctor's words to help me fully realize how hard it must be to work with chronic pain patients and how what seems like apathy may actually be an effort to hold realistic expectations. Suddenly, I realized that my apathetic doctor had never been that apathetic after all.

There are still some very real problems with the medical care of chronic pain patients. Doctors are not exempt from ingrained stereotypes about chronic pain. There are still definite gender biases in the treatment and diagnosis of chronic pain. And, of course, as human beings, doctors are bound to mess up sometimes. Yet, as I have learned, most doctors caring for chronic pain patients truly wish to help--and they are facing nearly impossible odds and constant disappointments in order to try. That takes a lot of bravery, and I truly admire them for it.

Essay, Acknowledgements and Other Important Project Components Completed!

Dear Readers,

Hello. I have officially completed my honors college project, but I plan to still make posts on my blog periodically. I hope to continue to maintain my blog.

For today, I thought I would post acknowledgements as a thank you to those who helped me with my project, I really appreciate it! Also, I would especially like to thank anyone and everyone who has been reading my blog. While my blog is hardly well-known, it has been getting more hits than I anticipated, and I love knowing that others are reading what I have written and researched.  I hope that you will continue to read my blog.

I will most likely post my final essay on the blog at some point, but I think it would be most prudent for me to wait a few weeks before doing so, in order to allow time for my essay to be processed by the honors college.

Anyway, I have linked to my acknowledgements/thank yous below, and remember, the end of my project isn't the end of my blog, so please stay tuned!

Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1nFnB8l3kb2gUKKmFcXgpVW2CCCS_QSkc3SGRxzAsjfg/edit?usp=sharing

Chronic Pain Triggers Resources

Hi, readers. As a person with chronic migraines, I do my best to monitor my "triggers" and try to avoid them. In case you don't know, triggers are activities, substances, or occurrences that tend to cause worse pain episodes in individuals. For example, some of my triggers are stress, the lights in Walmart, shifts in barometric pressure, and artificial sweeteners, but triggers are different for every person. While most people associate triggers with migraines, they do play a role in other chronic pain disorders as well--just think about the people with arthritis who get worse pain when it rains, or my relative with Fibromyalgia who gets worse pain when she eats certain preservatives. If you are interested, I have gathered several resources that contain information about what triggers are, how to identify triggers, common triggers, etc.

Since I couldn't find a good online resource about this, I would also like to briefly discuss the difference between triggers and causes. I got this information from talking a doctor at Mayo Clinic, as well as my local headache specialist. They said that people with chronic pain are predisposed to feel pain, and often react to things that would not cause pain in other people. In other words, triggers don't cause the chronic pain disorder (usually), but it can still be important to identify and avoid them because it can help decrease the frequency of your worse pain attacks.

1. Identifying Pain Triggers

Link: http://www.headache-help.org/identify-migraine-triggers

This website is discussing migraine triggers, but  this advice is easily transferable for any pain disorder. The article explains the correlation between triggers and pain attacks, and offers some advice about how to track your activities, food, etc. with a pain diary to watch for any possible triggers that might be making things worse.

2. Some Common Pain Triggers

When do We Tell? When do We Act Like Nothing is Wrong?

Hello, readers. Remarkably, I have actually had a very easy time with my chronic pain lately, with little pain for a couple of weeks, and other people have been noticing a change in me, even though they don't quite realize that the change they have been seeing is because of a lack of pain. For instance, other people have been commenting on the fact that I am singing more, am peppier, and that my eyes are "much less foggy right now" (Side note--Does pain give you foggy eyes?) Anyhow, this surprised me, as I frequently hide my pain and do my best to act as if I have more energy than I do. I did not realize that others could tell the difference between when I am in a lot of pain and when I have little or (in rare cases) no pain.

This realization made me think a bit differently about the practice of hiding physical pain. For me, as well as for other chronic pain patients I know, hiding our physical pain as much as possible is second nature. It can often seem like a matter of survival. For instance, I know that it distresses my family to see me suffer, so I try to down play it as much as possible. I also hid the extent of my pain from most of my high school class because I was afraid they wouldn't believe me, and I hide it for many other reasons as well. It seems sensible, yet, I am slowly learning that this practice of always hiding my pain can be counter-productive at least some of the time. I cannot expect others to help me when I am struggling with my condition if they do not know that I have chronic pain in the first place. Furthermore, I now realize that, if people are noticing that my eyes are sometimes foggy or that I seem low-energy, they can probably tell that something is "off" with me but do not know what. Telling others may help with this, but it's rarely that simple.

New Poem-Migraine "Super Powers" (Quotes are intentional)

Dear readers, if you enjoy a strange sense of humor in the face of pain, maybe you will enjoy this poem. I'll write a bit of a blog post with it, as always, but I think I will do so after the poem this time, so scroll down if interested. As always, click "read more" for the full poem.

Migraine “Super Powers”

By: Blog Admin

If you locked me in cellar, where

my eyes would strain through darkness

and my ears would hear only the hum

of air conditioning and the rasp of my

own breath, I could not escape.

I could not conjure magic to glove my hands

in flames so my bonds would fall

to the ground as ashes. I could not

punch the door, with a fist of iron, sending

splinters showering the ground,

but I could tell you if it was raining outside.

The barometric pressure

would grab hold of the slicing pain in my head,  expanding it

until it ached and  fizzed, as if someone

flooded my head with carbonated soda.

I would grin at my weather-predicting skills.

Of course, I would remain trapped in the darkness.

Coping with Pain Through Non-Written Arts--Discussion with Resources

Below this discussion, I have listed some great resources about using art to cope with chronic pain, including a document with ideas about what types of art projects to do. These resources may be found by clicking the "read more" tag in this document.

Hello again, readers. I designed this entire blog and corresponding honors project around the idea that writing and reading literature can help people cope with and learn from their chronic pain (see the about this project page for details). However, I am well aware that writing is not the only art form that can be used as a coping mechanism for chronic pain. Any form of artistic expression, such as painting, sculpting, playing music, sketching, or dancing can be a means of expressing pain in ways that is hard to do through normal conversation. Personally, I have found that simply finding a way to express the pain makes a world of difference, as doing so helps me feel less powerless and encourages me to learn from my own expression of pain.

Many, if not all, chronic pain patients know how to stay silent and hide their pain. It's a matter of survival most of the time. Even friends may tire of endless complaints about pain, people may incorrectly label us or underestimate us if they find out about our chronic pain too soon, and those closest to us may grow aggravated by the details of our suffering. Often, it makes sense to stay silent about our pain, and I don't think that is wrong. I cannot count the number of times I have hidden my pain. Yet, staying silent all of the time can hurt us, both in the forms of misunderstandings with others who do not fully understand our pain, and in the sense that we need an outlet for the pain we endure. The arts can help provide this outlet, and, if you wish to share them, the artwork you produce can also help inform others about your pain in a way that conversation cannot.

Correction to "Holding On" Dedication

Dear Readers,

I apologize for a major error I made in the last post--I accidentally wrote that 90% of people with migraines can function in society, when it should have been that they cannot function in society.

I have since corrected the error.

Thank you