The "Apathetic" Doctor May Care More Than You Think

Dear readers, I've been thinking a lot lately about doctors and chronic pain patients. Sometimes, I think it's easy to get frustrated at doctors trying to treat us for chronic pain, especially when we try several medications and procedures, each one being increasingly risky and less likely to work, and we do not get better. Sometimes, it seems like the doctors aren't listening or even trying to help, and, of course, there are always doctors who simply aren't a good fit for their patient. I have also had doctors whom I instantly liked, who genuinely seemed to care for me, and who tried their best to help me. Yet, I have come to believe that, most of the time, even those doctors who seem like they aren't putting much effort in to help me and my chronic pain are trying just as hard, or even harder than the rest of them.

I came to this conclusion during a doctor's appointment a few weeks ago. I have always had lukewarm feelings about this doctor, but I was still excited to share my good news with her--I had recently discovered I was getting daily exposure to one of my main migraine triggers and cutting it out was helping a lot. While I'm still considered a chronic headache patient and have far more pain than the average non-chronic pain person, my pain has been greatly improved lately. My "apathetic" doctor was thrilled by the news, hugging me and talking about how proud she was of me that I never gave up looking for triggers and how moments like these make working with chronic pain day in and day out worth it. These words helped me to see my doctor in a new light.

Everyday, doctors who specialize in chronic pain see several patients in chronic, intractable, and often disabling pain. Chronic pain patients rarely get better, so doctors who work with them must be used to being disappointed, to having all their best efforts fail over and over again. Even though I knew this, it took my doctor's words to help me fully realize how hard it must be to work with chronic pain patients and how what seems like apathy may actually be an effort to hold realistic expectations. Suddenly, I realized that my apathetic doctor had never been that apathetic after all.

There are still some very real problems with the medical care of chronic pain patients. Doctors are not exempt from ingrained stereotypes about chronic pain. There are still definite gender biases in the treatment and diagnosis of chronic pain. And, of course, as human beings, doctors are bound to mess up sometimes. Yet, as I have learned, most doctors caring for chronic pain patients truly wish to help--and they are facing nearly impossible odds and constant disappointments in order to try. That takes a lot of bravery, and I truly admire them for it.